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WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR DOUBT AND FEAR? DOES IT SPEAK TO YOU ? DOES IT CHALLENGE YOUR ABILITY? DOES IT ATTACK YOUR CONVICTION? DOES IT PUT YOUR CALLING IN CONFLICT WITH YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE?
I’M NOT THE PREDOMINANT IMAGE OF A GYM OWNER. SOME DAYS IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE AN IMPOSTER. OWNING A COMPANY IS HARD WORK AND MOST OF THE TIME, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE’S STORY, I DIDN’T EARN IT, AND SO I DON’T BELONG HERE.
BUT THAT IS MY FEAR AND MY DOUBT SPEAKING TO ME. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT MY DOUBT IS LOUD AF. HE’S THE VOICE IN MY HEAD THAT TELLS ME I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR THAT I SHOULDN’T TRY HARDER BECAUSE IT WON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE. IT’S THE VOICE THAT TOLD ME I WAS ALONE AFTER MY PARENTS DIED. THAT I DIDN’T BELONG IN MY FAMILY BECAUSE I WAS ADOPTED. IT’S THE DOUBT THAT SAID “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BECOMING THE PUBLIC POLICY AND GOVERNMENT RELATIONS ANALYST FOR A TECH GIANT LIKE REDDIT, BOY, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU DON’T BELONG HERE, YOU’RE FAKING IT AND THEY KNOW IT AND IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THE WOLVES WILL COME TO EAT YOUR ASS ALIVE.” YA, I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING… MY DOUBT IS VICIOUS.
SOMETIMES DOUBT IS TOO POWERFUL AND SOMETIMES THE BURDEN IT BRINGS IS TOO GREAT. PAYING ATTENTION TO MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS OUR PHYSICAL HEALTH. I WROTE THIS TODAY BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT BROKEN FEELS LIKE. I KNOW WHAT SHAME AND GUILT AND ABANDONMENT FEELS LIKE. I KNOW WHAT FEAR AND DOUBT CAN DO. BUT I KNOW THAT FEAR AND DOUBT ARE NOT WHO YOU ARE.
THE LAST 3 YEARS HAVE BEEN VERY CHALLENGING TO ME. I LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS, I LEFT A JOB I LOVED BECAUSE I WAS SAD, I TOOK A JOB WITH A TOXIC LEADER WHO ERODED MY CONFIDENCE, I DATED MEN WHO DIDN’T LOVE ME, I FORGOT MY CONVICTION AND ABANDONED MY VALUES. BUT THAT WAS NOT WHO I AM. BECAUSE MY FAITH IS BIGGER THAN MY FAILURE, MY FEAR AND DOUBT DID NOT KILL ME.
I’M STILL STANDING. IT SEEMS THAT NO MATTER THE PRESSURE, I SHAKE OFF THE DOUBT. NO MATTER THE BURDEN, I BREAK OFF THE CHAINS. NO MATTER THE FEAR I SEEM TO FIND A LITTLE MORE FAITH THAT PUSHES ME TOWARD THE MARK OF MY DESTINY. THAT’S WHAT BROUGHT ME TO A.W.A.Y. ATHLETICS WITH MICAH AND KORY. THAT’S WHAT HELPS ME PUSH MYSELF EVERYDAY.
TALK TO SOMEONE IF YOU NEED TO. GET HELP IF YOU NEED IT. DON’T BE PERFECT ON THE OUTSIDE AND MISERABLE ON THE INSIDE. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND HEALTH AND CLARITY. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ENCOURAGE YOURSELF AND THAT’S OKAY, BECAUSE YOU ARE ENOUGH.
MAX
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